Celebrating my birthday was always something that I loved, but unfortunately that love translated to painfully high expectations. I yearn for a "perfect" day (as if one exists), so I try so hard to make it unnecessarily special and in doing so I face disappoint. When things don't go as planned it tends to hit me harder than it should. Last year my birthday was spent mostly alone, as I had to post-sourth-padre-spring-break quarantine (after quite a lot of backlash for going. Not being able to celebrate through any means, along with multiple friends forgetting about my birthday, left me really disappointed. For my 19th birthday, I was able to celebrate, but that didn’t stop me from being let down by those I set expectations for. I wish I wouldn't care as much but I can't help it. Last year I recall being optimistic that by my 21st, the world would be back to normal. This obviously wasn’t the case. We are still in the middle of a pandemic and although things aren’t as strange as they used to be, it is not something that we had the privilege to dismiss as in the past. Also, having a test scheduled on 9am Tuesday, the morning of my birthday, I saw a little reason to get excited for the 30th of March. I consciously tried not to develop any expectations because I didn’t wanna be let down. That’s exactly why I chose not to plan anything. By planning things, I accept opportunities for things not to go according to plan, which probably frustrates me more than planning things satisfies me. Seeing this, my sweet boyfriend Alex decided to take this in his own hands. The spark of my optimism towards my birthday was fueled by Alex, who encouraged me to get excited for the special day. Consequently, I developed some minor expectations regarding the birthday, but still actively tried to suppress these thoughts. My optimism only furthered when I was able to set an appointment for my first dose of the Covid vaccine is Saturday before my birthday. Really, all I wanted was to be vaccinated prior to turning 21, and knowing that this process would be started by my birthday really encouraged me. I felt more comfortable to plan something with my friends and go out for my birthday, in a socially responsible way of course.
I continued enjoying my time with Alex that night, and we planned on going to the corner store at midnight to buy products that I previously could not as a 20-year-old. We completely forgot about the Texas law that doesn’t allow you to purchase these items after midnight, but we still planned on it. When the clock struck 12, we got up out of bed and went to exit the apartment. I opened the door, and standing right in front of me with a bottle of 21 year old juice and a gift in hand were my two very close friends Megan and Ryan. Alex was to my side and my roommate Lili was behind us, who was clearly trying to sneak them in before I attempted to walk out of the apartment. I was in complete shock and full of laughter at the chance of that happening, and even asked Alex if he knew this was happening. He did not, and it was Lili who coordinated with Ryan and Meagan to surprise me. We had a good chat and my heart was drenched with appreciation - I don’t know if they realize how much that moment meant to me. Unfortunately I couldn’t stay up much longer because of my exam, so I said goodnight and Alex and I went to bed. Although I was excited for it to be the next day, I was not excited to take the test in the morning. In light of this I went to bed fairly quickly and had a good night's sleep - so much so that I woke up naturally at exactly 7:32 AM. At this moment I grabbed my phone to check the time and noticed a notification from my professor. At 7:28 AM, just minutes prior to my natural awakening, he had sent us an announcement. He let us know that our test, that was supposed to begin in two hours, was going to be postponed to Thursday morning. My professor also mentioned that this was because someone brought it to his attention that two of the lectures corresponding to our exam were not available on the website. Guess who that someone was (it was me!). I didn’t even send him the email in hopes of getting a test postponed, in fact I didn’t even need those lectures, I simply just sent him the email to let him know. But I promise, I was fully prepared to take the exam. Regardless, I was so excited that I didn’t have to take the test on my birthday, and even more proud of the fact that it was I that made that happen! Alex was obviously super excited too, but he wasn’t anticipating this and was still obviously very tired because it was so early in the morning. I tried to go back to bed, but since I woke up to such exciting news I was immediately full of energy and ready to get the day going. What can I say, it was my birthday - and I managed to let myself (duh) get excited! After an hour of trying to get some more rest, but mainly deciding what I wanted to do with my newly free morning, Alex awoke and we prepared to get moving. I decided that I wanted to go to Trader Joe’s. I know that seems kind of strange but also basic in a weird way, but I truly just enjoy grocery shopping. I also have been needing to go grocery shopping, but it had been difficult to find the time. I wouldn’t typically go to Trader Joe’s, but since it was my birthday I thought I would make it a little more exciting by doing my shopping there. Also, unfortunately for Alex I decided that Trader Joe’s was not enough and did it the rest of my shopping at Whole Foods - overkill. We came home and put up all my groceries and decided to go on a lime ride to urban outfitters. I rarely shop from retail stores, so I thought I’d allow myself to do so since it was my birthday and I had time for it. I ended up not buying anything because there was nothing that I liked. Alex and I walked back - going on walks with my boyfriend is always one of my favorite things to do. Upon returning home, my birthday present from my brother, Armin, arrived so I opened it with excitement. It was a beautiful set of jars to grow herbs yourself, which I have previously failed at. I set up the plants and put them in the sunlight right before heading to work, and I was in such an amazing mood. My day at work is pretty standard, and I don’t really have much to make a note of. I would say the only disappointing part of my day was someone accidentally eating a single vegan cupcake that was purchased among dozens of other non-vegan cupcakes, which was specifically done for my birthday! I was definitely at least slightly irritated, but I think the fact that I was in such a good mood, as well as the fact that nothing could be that delicious carrot cake I had, just made me laugh at the situation. My workday went by quickly and the next thing I knew it was 5 PM and I was on my way home. When I got home I saw a beautiful ring and necklace left on my desk that was given to me by my roommate Kendall. She also left a little note explaining the meaning behind the pieces, and it was so meaningful - I appreciated it so much. I also have received an Amazon package from my mother which was a cute workout top and shorts that I had been eyeing for a long time. I don’t, or at least I only rarely purchase things from Amazon so it’s not something I would’ve bought for myself, but definitely something that I wanted. I began to get ready for my day and did my hair and my make up, and wore a yellow top and a black skirt (mostly because I know Alex loves me in the color yellow). When I asked him to pick me up he had two beautiful lavender flowers in his hands, which he always does but it never fails to put the biggest smile on my face. He also had a little box which he painted for me, and on the inside were 12 little notes detailing 12 things he loves about me. It was really hard not to cry, but I stayed strong for the sake of my make up. He also got me some interesting tees that I can’t wait to try, I’m not really sure at one point he gave them to me just because he got lost in the plethora of gifts he got for me. I put my flowers in some water and then we headed out to the domain in North Austin. We plan on eating at this restaurant called Yard House, mostly because they had a bloody Mary which I was incessant on getting. They also had a bunch of vegan options for us to snack on along with our drinks. We sat outside and the weather was wonderful, and watching the sun go down allowed for us to have an amazing view of the sky. Dinner was mostly just Alex and I goofing off, and me getting just a little drunk. A funny incident that happened was when the manager came out to our table to let us know that they accidentally gave us the non-vegan version of their pizza. He was so relieved to see that despite having it on her table for at least five minutes, neither of us have touched it. We laughed about how much of a close call it was, but after the manager left us with the vegan pizza, we started to question if he was right in the switch up. We inspected the pizza and were quickly relieved to find out that it was in fact a vegan pizza. It was kind of funny though that the vegan version looks way less vegan than the regular version. After our dinner we decided to check out a comedy club that Alex had found, so we headed back towards home. We actually went to the domain because we thought that’s where the comedy club was, but then we found out that the one we wanted to go to was actually on 38th St. So we arrived at the comedy club only to find out that it was full. I didn’t mind too much but I felt bad because Alex was really excited when he made this plan for us. But we decided that instead we wanted to check out hole in the wall, a bar on Guadalupe that is kind of iconic but not necessarily in a good way. Alex‘s roommate Henry had mentioned he wanted to go so we both let our friends know that we were going to stop for some drinks there, which we did! A couple of my friends and a couple of Alex‘s friends met up with us at the bar, and we enjoyed a couple of drinks as we laughed and enjoyed the night. Knowing that this was completely unplanned, but still arguably one of the best points of my day, really reinforces the idea that I should start planning things as much! But, that can’t go that far to dissuade me, because my night, actually my whole day was so amazing because of the planning Alex did for me. After the bar we went home and enjoyed the rest of the cake as well as a doughnut that Lily had gotten for me and passed out after a long amazing day we had.
Unfortunately the weather wasn’t perfect, but I feel like I did not take away from experience at all. A really funny incident that occurred was us forgetting the auxiliary cord for the boat and having to pull back into the dock just one minute after pulling out of it. Then after finally getting that auxiliary cord, we did not manage to figure out how to get the speakers to work so we were playing music from our phones way below a reasonable volume. Eventually Alex, my hero, gets the speaker to work and we enjoy the rest of the boat trip jamming to some amazing music, drinking some great legal beverages, and dancing around on the boat. I am so lucky to have such an amazing boyfriend and a fantastic group of friends to celebrate with. After the boat we just got some dinner and chilled for the rest of the night before I had to go to sleep around 10 PM, because I was exhausted from all the fun I have been happening all week.
My 21st birthday turned out to be probably my best birthday ever. Who needs expectations when you have the best people around you to make you feel so special?
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I did not get a week vacation as a hoped for what I anticipate to be my last college spring break. Rather than a full week to relax, I had to work 8am until 5pm for the first half, Monday through Wednesday. I accepted this and knew it might not be worth taking a vacation since I am still twenty years old. I hope I get to adventure as freely as I want to this summer.
Wednesday night I snuck out of work a couple of minutes early to meet Alex and his family in Bastrop, Texas. They had camped their the night before and I was going to camp with Alex that night and they would head back home. Before they left, I met with them in downtown Bastrop where we walked around the river and had a nice snack at the cutest bakery. Tough Cookie Bakery is a must stop place in the city, and they had so many vegan options. Honestly, Bastrop was a lot cuter of a town than I expected! Camping that night was obviously as perfect as camping with my best friend could possibly be. The next morning we tandem biked up an awful hill but it was worth the rewarding view. We went back into town to grab lunch at the same bakery and took another stroll around the river. Walking around cute places with my boyfriend is perhaps when I feel the most joy. Eventually we decided it was time to head back home to Houston, and we parted ways to meet back up with our family in good old Friendswood, Texas. I am really trying to figure out if I am surprised at the way March has been going. I like to think that March is my favorite month of the year. Now this isn’t just because it is my birthday month, but also because of spring break, good weather, and the start of a new season, spring - where I get to celebrate Persian New Year’s! Last month was ridiculously hectic with the snowstorm and school getting canceled for quite some time. I’m happy that I let myself relax but I wanted to get back on my regular routine. I was very confident that in doing so, March would have to be an amazing month. Now to ensure my routine was structured and organized the way I like it I did a couple of things. I got back into the routine of jotting down all of my goals for a particular day, other than the morning of or the day before. I also got into the habit of an easy but fulfilling morning routine. Upon waking up I would water my plants, brush my teeth, wash my face, and then get my tea brewing. While I was waiting for my tea to heat up I would do a couple of morning stretches and a very short exercise. I’ve been making my bed and sipping my tea while I jot down my dreams from the previous night, as well as filling out my health and fitness journal. If I had time before my first class I would read a little bit of my book too. Now this is pretty much what I did every morning so far, and honestly has been really nice. Regardless of this, March has been such a challenging month. My school has not been going as well as I’m used to, and I’ve let that really affect my mood. I am typically a straight A student so any grade I receive that is an A- or below will immediately ruin my mood and tarnish my self confidence. I know it’s understandable that school has been hard - because of the snow storm, the pandemic, in general stresses and other aspects of my life - but geez do I really really hate getting B’s. On top of this I kind of reconsidered my entire life past. That sounds really dramatic but essentially decided that instead of going straight into law school after I graduate, I think I wanna get my masters first. I’m not throwing the idea of going to law school out the window, I just think that getting my masters first is a step in the right direction for the specific goals I want to accomplish in my future. To be honest, this realization didn’t stress me out as much as I thought it would, but I am now scrambling to prepare myself for this new direction. Alex has been helping a lot but there still so much I don’t understand. Also explaining this to my mom was really difficult because she just doesn’t really understand what I wanna do with my life. I guess I also don’t really know what I wanna do with my life but I’m confident that this is going to take me in the proper direction. I wish she had that same confidence. My personal life has also gotten really stressful. Although it is really normal, any conflict or disagreements with the people you live with will always bring a weight of discomfort on your shoulders. My living situation has been fine, besides a couple roommate squabbles and frustrations with someone not taking out the trash or washing dishes. For some reason, I’ve been letting a little thing stress me out more than I should. My roommates are really understanding and I should try to relax a little more when it comes to what I let impact my mood. Because of this pandemic, I spent so much time at home to try to make it my sanctuary, but that’s a lot of pressure to put on a shared living environment. Speaking of shared living - I had yet another Covid scare, which had me wearing a mask in my own home. It was short-lived but it is just always such a stressful thing to think about. I’ve also been trying really really hard to be healthy, and the anxiety that my expectations bring has been really difficult to accept. I’ve been working out a lot, which I am proud of, and eating very healthy (or mostly healthy). Despite this I haven’t seen the results that would make me feel like the effort has been worth it. I think that goes back to me being willing to work extremely hard if it means getting that gratification as quickly as possible. But when it comes to your health and body, you can’t really rush it and I have to accept that. I also recently criticized my boyfriend on not planning as much as I wish she would, but I feel guilty about it because he shouldn’t have to. We are both going through so much in regards to school and our personal lives. I hate the idea of putting another stress on his plate. He has been there for me beyond what I could ever ask for, and it means so much. Two nights ago we had such a romantic day where he surprised me by taking me out to a nice restaurant downtown and mini golfing afterwards. Probably the hardest part about this month so far has been seeing the people I care about experience pain. When you really know someone and what they deserve, it is so hard seeing them struggle to figure that out on their own. It really puts life in perspective. Yeah - pain is really hard - but it is impossible to have any happiness without it. If you took away all of someone’s pains then they would probably be the most boring and ignorant person you would know. I should really be taking my own advice when it comes to taking a step back to appreciate what you have going on. When it comes to pain, you have to take it for what it is and take advantage of it as a learning opportunity. So although March may have been a difficult month so far, it’s really only just begun, and I’m not gonna let the past dictate my future. I’m going to try to be more eager to take on learning experiences even if they may be difficult. I can’t wait to see how the rest of this month plays out. This chapter of twenty year old Auva is coming to an end, and I am excited. |